A conversation my family had this evening at a local well-known eating estabishment:
Waiter: Hey! You brought a DisneyWorld book. Planning a vacation?
Mom (after a few glasses of wine): Why, yes! It's our Christmas present this year!
Waiter: Excellent! You'll have Mickey and heat!
Waiter leaves.
Me: Did he say we'd have Mickey in heat?
Mom laughs. Daughter laughs with much eye-rolling. Son not so sure.
Daughter: What did you just say? Jeez, Dad!
Me: Well, that's why Minnie has her own house. Mickey can be a real problem for her, you know? Everyone knows he's 'all hands' with the ladies.
Mom laughs harder. Daughter laughs in spite of herself. Son not so sure.
Mom (did I mention the wine?): Oh, it's true! Why do you think Mickey wears such baggy pants?
Mom laughs way too hard. Daughter laughs in shock. Son not so sure.
The bill is paid and we leave.
Son: What about Mickey's pants?
Me: Let's go to the car and I'll try to explain.
The curtain closes.
Oh, yeah. Stay classy, family.
Friday, September 18, 2009
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6 comments:
Sounds like a good time was had by all - almost. Is your son getting to the age that he understands his parents are actually from another planet?
Don't worry about the reaction. He'll move out one day and pine for home cooked meals just like his mom used to make and secretly want to move back, even to the small space behind the furnace.
He may never get, however, your sense of humour. It's that 'other planet - time warp' thingy.
GAH
Well, it's funny, you know? The Girl is 16 and vaguely becoming aware that, while Mom and Dad are from another planet, maybe that planet is closer to Earth than she thought The Boy is 13 and can't quite reconcile that 'parents are aliens' with 'Dad likes cartoons and video games, too'.
And they're never moving out. They say they will one day, but we don't believe it yet!
Great post. You seem to have the intentionally-awkward moments mastered, CL.
I'm sure you may have already tried this - but if not, your kids seem to be at the perfect age to dip into the classics -
as in, it's their mother's birthday and it's Birthday Gift Giving Time. After your wife has opened her present and card from you, you give her a big wink/leer and tell her in a voice loud enough for everyone can hear = "I'll give you your *real* present later tonight." ... Depending on the age of the kids, you may even want to do it with an Austin Powers accent.
Never fails to get the eyeballs rolling. From everyone in the room except yourself.
As for them never moving out, as Archie Bunker once said, "Birds gotta swim, fish gotta fry."
Sonny - that *is* a classic one. I've got that one on my list right after the one where I wander the house in boxer shorts and black socks while The Girl is entertaining friends. You can double your points on that one if you're smoking a cigar or having a shouting match with the missus when she's in another room.
...takes pen in hand..."give you your *real* present later tonight"...that is clever...scribble scribble.
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