Monday, September 14, 2009

Do Chromosomes Lie?

Somewhere, somehow, researchers have determined that, on average, men lie 6 times each day. Women, on the other hand, lie an average of 3 times per day. I can't dispute these claims, but I do wonder about the methodology behind the numbers. All I know is that I pretty much believe everything my wife says for the simple reason that I'm never quite sure what's going on around me. Her job is to keep track of all the things that matter, while my focus is to get the trash to the curb and dig holes in the garden as per her instructions.

Anyways, I thought about everything I've done today and wondered if there were, indeed, 6 lies in there somewhere. All I could come up with was:

Lie: Don't worry. We'll manage just fine while you're out of town this week.
Reality: We'll eat pizza and live in our own filth for the next 4 days.

Lie: You kids really ought to get some sleep so you're not over-tired for school tomorrow.
Reality: For the love of god I need some quiet time with a bottle of Red.

Lie: I'm just so proud that you managed to finish the main quest in Oblivion!
Reality: You can count on more chores around here, buddy.

Lie: I am totally pumped to work on your project. Your ideas are innovative and I love the challenge.
Reality: When others begin to suspect that your ideas are the result of a childhood head injury, I'll be long gone.

Lie: I can totally come up with 1 blog post ever day for 30 days.
Reality: I'm perilously close to blogging about Ashton Kutcher's tweets.

See? That's only 5 lies today, although I do have an hour to kill...


G. Harrison said...

You're up to five before happy hour? You won't get through the day without setting a record.

My wife and I are tied at one each today, so far.

She'll never admit to her lie, whereas I'll now go to my blog and write about it.

Any research on that difference?



Crazylegs said...

No official research that I'm aware of, but the fellas down at The Alibi are pretty smart about these things. They tell me (and I believe 'em) that:

- a Gent never calls out a Lady lest he get called out himself

- when presented with The Look, a Gent will usually confess to *something*, even if it's only a lesser offence. This is also known as 'unloading the gun'

Anonymous said...