Break Time

I'm outta here for a week. In a few short hours I'll be relaxing my way behind a steering wheel as we careen down I-94 to Detroit Metro Airport. There, I'll be further relaxed as I cram into an aisle seat in what passes for air travel these days. But it'll be worth it when we disembark at Orlando airport and I see the first palm tree; assuming the luggage arrives.

Disney, I'm coming for you.

And I'm bringing my wallet.

See you all soon.

For Pat

We've had out share of loss over the past 12 months: cancer, death, afflictions - all unexpected and sad. And as we prepare to say goodbye and good riddance to 2006, the old man with the scythe took one more parting swipe - and we lost our friend Pat.

54 years young with energy enough to be a popular teacher to her Grade One pupils, Pat was the kind of person you'd like the moment you met her. I met her some 20 years ago on my first trip to Dee's family cottage. Her family has the cottage next door and has been friends with Dee's family since god-knows-when. Our first meeting was memorable mostly because (1) she was the first person I saw as we pulled into the cottage dock and (2) she was wearing the smallest bikini I'd ever seen (and I would soon learn this was her standard attire for 2 months every Summer).

Over the years I got to know Pat and her husband Henry as two of the kindest souls I'd ever meet. This is not hyperbole; they truly believed in kindness towards All as their way to live in the world. Even more special for us, my kids - especially JediBoy - formed a special relationship with Pat. They spent Summers playing with Pat's dog, baking her donuts, learning to ride one of Pat's waterbikes, or just chillin' on Pat's dock. All of this was just woven into the fabric of their cottage Summers - expected and perhaps taken for granted.

When we lost Pat just before Christmas, it was not expected. The sudden onset of a rare blood disease took her from us in just 5 short weeks. We all took it hard, but no one harder than my kids, I think. This was their first real meeting with death: grief, a casket, new kinds of manners, 200-odd mourners and most of them Strangers. They did us proud and I know it was hard for them. It was hard for all of us.

So goodbye, Pat. We miss you. It still hurts, and this Summer it will hurt again when we pull into the dock and you're not there. I think we'll cry again.

Christmas Comes Early

A mea culpa: This post was largely cribbed from BoingBoing and Cityrag. I was so excited, I wanted to share with you all.....errr....all 5 of you.

Back in 1994, a guy named Jerry Beck apparently wrote a book about the 50 greatest animated shorts of all time, as voted by the animation industry. We all might disagree with some of the choices or omissions, but I have to say that it's very cool to see The Big Snit in there at #25!

The good people at Cityrag found copies of these online (all except 6) and posted the links for all to enjoy. I've also duplicated their list below for your convenience.

Merry Chistmas!

1. What's Opera, Doc? (1957)

2. Duck Amuck (1953)

3. The Band Concert (1935)

4. Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century (1953)

5. One Froggy Evening (1956)

6. Gertie the Dinosaur (1914)

7. Red Hot Riding Hood (1943)

8. Porky in Wackyland (1938)

9. Gerald McBoing-Boing (1951)

10. King Size Canary (1947)

11. Three Little Pigs (1933)

12. Rabbit of Seville (1950)

13. Steamboat Willie (1928)

14. The Old Mill (1937)

15. Bad Luck Blackie (1949)

16. The Great Piggy Bank Robbery (1946)

17. Popeye the Sailor Meets Sinbad the Sailor (1936)

18. The Skeleton Dance (1929)

19. Snow White (1933)

20. Minnie the Moocher (1932)

21. Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs (1943)

22. Der Fuehrer's Face (1943)

23. Little Rural Riding Hood (1949)

24. The Tell-Tale Heart (1953)

25. The Big Snit (1985)

26. Brave Little Tailor (1938)

27. Clock Cleaners (1937)

28. Northwest Hounded Police (1946)

29. Toot, Whistle, Plunk and Boom (1953)

30. Rabbit Seasoning (1952)

31. The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950)

32. The Cat Came Back (1988)

33. Superman (1941)

34. You Ought to Be in Pictures (1940)

35. Ali Baba Bunny (1957)

36. Feed the Kitty (1952)

37. Bimbo's Initiation (1931)

38. Bambi Meets Godzilla (1969)

39. Little Red Riding Rabbit (1941)

40. Peace on Earth (1939)

41. Rooty Toot Toot (1952)

42. The Cat Concerto (1947)

43. The Barber of Seville (1944)

44. The Man Who Planted Trees (1987)

45. Book Revue (1946)

46. Quasi at the Quackadero (1975)

47. Corny Concerto (1943)

48. The Unicorn in the Garden (1953)

49. The Dover Boys (1942)

50. Felix in Hollywood (1923)

We Are Kings (and Queens!) of the World

Appropos of the upcoming radio radio-stravaganza hosted by our own patron saint of Geekdom, Kid Dork, a news story surfaced this morning which got me thinking that it's been a pretty good year for Geeks. The BBC is planning to make a variety of programming available to the masses via a Bitorrent-based download service - in High Def no less! From the article:

The new deal means that users of the software will be able to download high-quality versions of BBC programmes, including Red Dwarf, Doctor Who and the League of Gentleman. Classic series such as Fawlty Towers will also be available through a BBC "channel".

This is pretty good news - and further entrenches the BBC at the vanguard of embracing the Internet Age. But this isn't the only good news for Geeks in 2006. Consider:

Time magazine's 'Person of the Year' is you. Or is that us? With the growth of grassroot collaborations such as Youtube, Wikipedia, Linux, and Myspace, the editorial staff at Time opined, "It's about the many wresting power from the few and helping one another for nothing and how that will not only change the world, but also change the way the world changes." Sounds a little hyperbolic to me, but maybe it'll get someone to put aside their PC Gamer mag for a few minutes and leaf through a copy of Time..

Video games truly entered the mainstream - and just in time for Christmas! There was the expected media hoopla around the arrival of Xbox 360, PS3, and Wii, of course. But what I find a far more fascinating turn of events is the TV advertising push for Gears of War and Call of Duty 3. Gears of War is the far more impressive ad in its use of of Tears for Fears' Mad World and it's generally melancholic feel. CoD3 seems to be a much more pervasive ad; and I'm officially sick of seeing it! The fact that both of these ad campaigns are buying major air-time during non-Geek programming is (to me) a pretty significant shift. Are they marketing to parents? Is this a recognition that gamers no longer 'fit' a cliched demographic? Perhaps the bargain bin at EB Games will tell the tale come January.

Worldwide sales of video games (and related products) are expected to reach $30 billion (US) in 2006. That's billion - with a 'b'. To put this in perspective; this twice the combined revenues of the NBA, NFL, and Major League Baseball. Furthermore, there are kids out there making 6-figure incomes on the professional video game circuit. If I could only convince my own brats to forget about math and spelling and fire up the PS2 for a little practise session. Hell, I'll supply the Doritos and Jolt.

My mother can now record a program on her VCR while she watches a DVD. My father knows the meaning of podcast. Now that's progress.

So what does this all mean, you ask?

It's simple - we are all Geeks now. We can dress poorly with pride, pasty-white skin is 'in', and our lunch money is safe. Rejoice!

Craptastic Cartoons

Joe Barbera (of Hanna-Barbera fame) died yesterday at the age of 95. There's no doubt he was a 'success'. As co-inventor of Tom & Jerry, The Flintsones, Scooby-Doo, and countless other animated characters, he was acclaimed by both the entertainment industry and fans alike. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find many people in your own circle of friends who have not seen a Joe Barbera creation.

By all accounts, he was part of the pioneering wave of American animators that sprang up in New York and Hollywood in the years surrounding The Great Depression. While not on the same plane as Walt Disney and Chuck Jones, Barbera carved out a niche in producing an amazing range of programming for theater audiences and (eventually) TV.

Ultimately, the name Hanna-Barbera became synonymous with 'quality' - or lack of it. To deal with the enormous costs required to manually produce a steady stream of cartoon shorts, Barbera opted to produce cartoons with less detail, fewer drawings, more reliance on stock footage, and more reliance on recycled stories. As technology advanced, they embraced it as a way to produce fill-in drawings and further reduce costs.

Low-cost, cheap,-looking - this is how I remember the work of Hanna-Barbera. Out of all their work, the only cartoons I can say anything good about are Johnny Quest, the original Scooby-Doo shorts, and (sometimes) The Flintsones. For the most part, I found their cartoons - including the ones I liked - to be uninteresting, mean-spirited, low quality junk. The characters: usually 'one-note' and generally (but not always) unlikable to me.

I'm no purist, but what is the appeal of Tom & Jerry?

The news reporters will fall all over themselves today in eulogizing Joe Barbera because, after all, he became rich and successful and recognized for his life's work. But me - I'm largely mystified by it all.

Space Camp Guy

Somehow this guy has become a Web meme all on his own; to the point of performing his now-legendary 'Space Camp Song' on Jimmy Kimmel back in November. Why am I always the last to find out about these things? Have a listen - and just try to get the chorus out of your head:



I always wanted to go to Space Camp, but that's another story for another time...

The Laws of Irony No Longer Apply

I'm one of those people who still believes in the old fashioned value that a cellphone exists to make a telephone call to someone else. They shouldn't be used for browsing the Web, listening to music, or snapping a grainy photo. I'll accept that some amount of gaming may be acceptable, but only as a means of deflecting the responsibilities of parenthood in key situations.

Fact is, I've carried a cellphone for only the last few years. This is my begrudging acceptance that I need to be available to my family at all times. It's just that way with the crazy schedules we have.

Today, I learned I might be wrong in my cellphone philosophy.

On a lunchtime trip to a local mall (Whiteoaks, for all you Londoners) I saw something that Made Me Believe. I wish to (insert your deity) that I could have taken a photo. I really do. But because my cellphone clings to my misguided, old fashioned values - you'll have to settle for the thousand words in place of a picture.

She's a Mennonite (maybe Amish?) lady at the mall. She's on the far side of middle-aged. She's dressed completely in black: long woolen skirt, blouse, heavy shawl, heavy-looking woolen bonnet. I'm assuming she's there to shop.

She's talking on a cellphone.

Correction: She's talking very quickly, in some Germanic tongue, on a cellphone.

Further correction: She's talking into the cellphone loudly and excitedly - occasionally pulling it away from her ear to stare at it. She turns it over. She turns it around. She goes back to to her excited German-ish conversation.

I walk by, trying not to be too overt with my stare, but it's much too out-of-place to ignore. It's actually fascinating to watch this person in an apparent verbal deathmatch with technology that, by rights, she shouldn't have.

I wonder about this in silence. Why is she here? Who is she talking to? Where is this other person? How did she come to have this cellphone? Who was the salesperson that sold it to her? What was going in his head?

Later in my trip, in another part of the mall, I encountered what I would assume to be her kin: a teenaged boy and an middle-aged gentleman. They're both dressed in heavy black woolens and flat-brimmed hats; both speaking something vaguely German.

Guess what. They had a cellphone, too.

Scary Mary

I'm a Disney fanboy. Love the movies, love the parks, love the way their marketing machine manipulates my emotions. If I were ever the subject of one of those Freeps 20 Questions columns, I'd hope one of the questions was "With what famous historical figure would you like to have dinner""; just so I could say "Walt Disney".

In spite of my fanboyishness, I have to say the following re-cut of Mary Poppins really rocks. Who knew Julie Andrews was so creepy?

By the way, Walt was 105 yesterday.

With Friends Like These...

A few years back I saw 'news' report on a mini-phenomenon call Real Doll. I'm guessing I had the channel set to Showcase - but I digress. I remember having 4 reactions to the story:

1. That artist/inventor has done something amazing!
   
2. Ummm.... those dolls are kinda hot! Do they really, you know, work?
   
3. Who is so lonely that they'd shell out $5000 for one of those?
   
4. So, is there a website?

In the final analysis, my thinking has been that Real Doll is a fascinating (albeit, dark) corner of Western culture - but the members of that community must be among the most pathetically lonely people on Earth.

I was wrong. I pray this business isn't making money, but I'm probably wrong about that, too.

Evidence!

Tree Mouth Exclusive! This grainy photograph was smuggled out of the London Police Force's heretofore secret basement forensics lab; home of their shadowy Paranormal Investigations Group (aka PIG).

So here's a shout-out to the Freeps, Macleans, NatPost, and the Enquirer. There are more where this one came from. Let the bidding war begin.

My Sixth Sense

I see trees with faces.

Well, not faces exactly; more like mouths. Big mouths. Up in the branches. Smiling with big, toothy, reddish-lipped, kite-eating smiles ripped straight from a Charlie Brown nightmare. Why are they in London? Why now?

So far, there's one down at the Forks of the Thames keeping watch over the playground and splashpad. I've also seen one near the railway overpass on Wharncliffe near Horton.

Am I the only ones who is seeing these? Why is the media ignoring this? I must get a picture of these twisted cousins of the Ents. I'll post one here if I can.

I see trees with faces. Do you?

Chaos in the Blogosphere

Weather is choatic, but climate is not. That's all there really is to Chaos Theory, and that's how I've always kind of perceived this thing called the Blogosphere.

While the Net continues to grow and morph with every passing second, at any moment it's fixed in space, time, and capability. And within this somewhat fixed system there are approximately a gazillion blogs percolating in a gazillion dark little corners (with a gazillion minus 100 known only to friends and family).

The Blogosphere is this roiling, chaotic 'thing' that seems wholly unknowable; even as it's 15 minutes of fame passes with every breathless media pronouncement on how important (or not) this all seems to be. To me, it's much ado about nothing. Blogs exist for the simple reason that they're an effective way for people to share/reach out/have a voice/show-off/wank off. It's Speaker's Corner for us all (the good kind, not CityTV's).

So to hear that there are actually Canadian Blog Awards really blows me away. I had no idea this exists. I had no idea of the depth and breadth of blogging in Canada. I have no idea how the whole thing works.

I was not nominated.

But my virtual friend Sheena was, and that's cool. Congrats Sheenster, I hope you win!

Ok, This is Cool

In my previous post (about a decade ago) I mentioned that I'm loving Robot Chicken these days. The jokes are hit-and-miss, but what really fascinates me are the mechanics of the whole thing; how the tedious process of stop-motion animation can produce subtle and meaningful body language that adds so much to character and storyline. Robot Chicken has it figured out.

Natch, my fascination with stop-motion is nothing new. As a kid I was drawn to the likes of Gumby and Pokey. Back then, it was pretty amazing stuff. I even grokked Davey and Goliath, although I admit that I secretly longed to see Goliath go all medieval on Davey's ass once in awhile. And don't even get me started on all those wonderful Rankin/Bass El Cheapo Christmas masterpieces involving Rudolph, Kris Kringle, Snow Miser, Herbie the Elf, and all the rest of 'em. Burl Ives was meant to play a snowman, okay? MadTV has even done some pretty good stuff in this genre.

So..... it was Monday afternoon, and I had nothing but time on my hands. Somehow, I ended up on a website that talked about do-it-yourself stop-motion photography. I swear I did not intend to go there. Have you ever sat in your car, in your driveway, and wondered how the hell you just got home from work? It was kinda like that.

Anyways, I was on this site and - quite by accident - found some open source ware for doing stop-motion photography. Long-story short - I experimented, and it worked. I'm hoping to interest the kiddos in having some fun with this. In the meantime, I offer 14 seconds of diversion. Oh, and the answer is "yes, it's my hand in there". I'm so proud.

Chickens Are Friends!

I'm loving Robot Chicken now that it's legally available on The Comedy Network. For those of us who put their childhood toys through elaborate and (sometimes) torturous dramas, Robot Chicken brings those imaginings to life through stop-motion goodness.

Oh, and Sean - this one's for you. Cheers!

Suckerpunch Part Deux: Hit Me Again Please

If you're of a certain vintage and spent way too much time with the good folks of Hanna-Barbera, the name "Bad Luck Schleprock" will mean something. For the rest of you, Google is your friend.

It's been a Schleprock kind of week; to the point where I'm really wondering (1) if there is a Supreme Being and (2) why s/he is pissed at me. To wit:

• work (as is in making a living) keeps piling up faster; which makes it difficult for me to maintain my Well-Paid Slacker persona
  
• getting Mom's new-post-stroke-life in order moves at a snail's pace and I still feel like we're 'winging it' most of the time. Dealings with various medical and social service folks this week were decidely unfruitful. My advice: never get sick; but if you must, get really sick. Anything in between and you're on your own, it seems. Also, never lose your income.
• fixing a flat tire in the middle of a freak snowstorm sucks ass.
  
• the downstairs shower (the one I installed 10 years ago before I became the Uber Handyman that you see before you) sprung a mystery leak that may necessitate a complete tear out and re-install. *sigh*
  
• finding out the spare tire is not full-sized and is low on air sucks ass harder.
• got lost in Parkwood hospital twice; once on the way in and once on the way out. Double aggravation points were earned by having a memory-challenged senior in tow.
• BandGeek's school trip (overnight camping at The Pinery) was cancelled because of the snow - after the bus arrived at it's destination, of course.
  
• and now the capper.... found out someone I'm quite close with has developed cancer and started chemo this week. It'll be 2 months before we have a prognosis.

When did life get so damn serious? But as the week gently comes in for a landing on a sunny Saturday morning (when all things are possible), some bright lights:

• Jedi Boy's birthday is almost upon us and I happen to know that one present he'll receive is an EB Games giftcard. This pretty much assures me the opportunity to play Zelda: Twilight Princess the day it comes out.
• after some tinkering, the shower appears to be holding its water. Fingers are crossed.
• my spouse has somehow arranged a family trip to Florida during the Christmas Break (minimum costs, maximum fun). Sheena, I'm bringing you mouse ears!
• bonus fallout from the Florida plans; the logistics will guarantee that the family will not be spending Christmas in the Sudbury area this year! I actually like it there, but travelling at Christmas always seems like a chore.
• BandGeek's camping trip was re-scheduled for next week, when the weather should be a sunnier 16C. She's a happy...errr....camper.
  
• my cancerous friend underwent the first chemo treatment, and did beautifully well. No nausea, no nothing. Hope springs...
  

Here's to 'things can only get better'.

Because Turkey Makes Me Sleepy

If I've noticed anything during my 43 years on this planet, it is this:

On a sunny Saturday morning, anything is possible.

On a gray Sunday afternoon, nothing is probable.

Discuss.

Steal This Meme

Okay, I stole this from Sean aka Kid Dork, but I don't plan to lose any sleep since he stole it, too. Furthermore, I've sitting on this for weeks. By all accounts this should mean the Internet's statute of limitations has expired; so I'm covered there, too.

One Book That Changed Your Life

This is a tough one. As a teenaged, much thinner version of myself, I would say that The Lord of The Rings was likely life-changing; if only because it provided escape from a life that needed an escape hatch. In my twenties, Herman Hesse's Siddartha was somewhat life-changing in that it provided an odd sort of spiritual comfort. There's a pattern here, folks, but no single answer.

One Book You've Read More Than Once

A toughie! I tend not to re-read books, mostly because I'm afraid repeats will spoil whatever magical experience I had the first time round. The Hitchhiker's series is one I've re-visited a few times, but (as embarrassing as this is) the books I tend to read more than once are the ones I've forgotten that I've read before. This happens much too frequently and only supports my theory that being an amnesiac wouldn't be so bad. I mean, really; you'd only need 1 book, 1 movie, etc. etc.

One Book You'd Want On A Desert Island

Hmmm.... Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell. Lengthy and totally immersive, which would help take my mind off starving and talking to volleyballs.

One Book That Made You Laugh

Another tough one! Douglas Adams's The Long, Dark Tea Time of the Soul. I still smile when I think about the part where a newly-minted ghost tries to use a telephone.

Umm, you had to be there, I guess.

One Book That Made You Cry

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Don't tell anyone.

One Book You Wish You Had Written

Every book I've ever loved, but if I had to pick just one - Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell because it's so damn well thought out!

One book that you wish had never been written.

JPod by Douglas Coupland. I copied this from Kid Dork, but he knows how I feel.

One Book You're Currently Reading

The Cobweb by Neal Stephenson and J. Frederick George. Not great, but a page-turner nonetheless.

One Book You've Been Meaning To Read

The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien. I've always meant to finish it just out of spite.

Cheap Date

Having recently replaced our Most Excellently Aged and Crappy furnace and air conditioner, any hope of taking a vacation somewhere, sometime soon has all but disappeared into a financial event horizon.

But with a little imagination and a lot of technology, anyone can vacation anywhere from the cramped corner where most of us hunch over our home computers.

"What you talkin' 'bout Crazylegs?", you're asking. "Fill me in wouldja?".

Here's the recipe:

A roux consisting of your home PC and enough comfy chairs for your travelling companions

A large dollop of Internet connection (the bigger, the better)

A splash of Quicktime movie trailers

A healthy shake or two of Google Earth

Mix well, and explore!

The kids and I make this a monthly habit it seems.

First, watch and re-watch all the latest movie trailers. It's entertaining and it's sometimes educational; what with all those interesting people doing interesting in interesting places we can't afford to go.

Afterwards, take a virtual flight anywhere on the globe and look at stuff - often in amazing detail. One of our favourite games; zoom into DisneyWorld and try to identify all the rides in the theme parks from our lofty perch high in the sky.

You make your fun where you find it, and it always kills a few hours for us.

Cheap date, indeed.

Are They Flirting or What?

Help me out here - I'm confused.

It started with the older lady who prepares my inevitable plain-toasted-bagel-with-cream-cheese-please on those mornings when breakfast at home is impossible. I didn't take too much notice at first, but now that I'm paying attention - or what passes for 'paying attention' before the first cuppa joe - I'm finding that Bagel Lady is getting a tad, er, familiar.

"Here's your bagel, luvey.".

Luvey? "Well", I thought. "Maybe that's just how older ladies who sling bagels all day talk to their customers. Sort of a 'brassy dame' thing".

It always sounds kind of forced; like she's looking for her signature line and trying this one on for size. But, I'm getting used to it. My wince probably isn't even noticable anymore.

Today, it happens again. I pickup an iced tea at a mall food court establishment and the not-so-older lady slips me a quick, "Here's ya go dear" with my refreshment.

Dear? Beverage Lady looked to be my age, maybe even younger!

So what's it all about? Is this some new service industry meme? Am I getting more attractive in my middle-aged years? Is this all just faux friendliness?

Or is it just me?

Simply Adequate

A brief interlude from the stress and worry of the past few weeks... The family and I did a quick overnighter in Toronto this past weekend. Since we really hadn't done much vacation-stuff this Summer, the 4 of us had planned a mini-vacation to The Big Smoke to play at being 'tourists' for a few days.

The plan: spend the inheritance on tickets to Spamalot and then cash-in a free family pass to the venerable Ontario Science Center. We'd separate the 2 events with a stay in a moderately affordable hotel (anything with a pool). Since the kids had never seen big-time theater and had never seen a taxpayer-funded tourist trap, we figured this a fresh, new experience for us all.

Spamalot was simply... adequate. Maybe it was our mental state, but the play just did not live up to its hype and price tag. The kids had a good time; laughing mightly at the killer rabbit, etc. I knew they would. Dee and I, on the other hand, just felt like it was mostly... okay. Not bad, not great; just okay. I don't really know what we expected, but it was pretty much verbatim set-pieces from the Python movie with often pitch-perfect delivery from the original. Somehow, it came off looking like bad vaudeville. I wonder if it's better for those without a rich appreciation for all things Pythonesque.

As for the Science Center, it sucked - hard. I hadn't been there in many, many years - but I sold it Big Time to the kids as a cool, hands-on experience. Alas, most of the exhibits (and I mean, like, almost 50%) were literally busted, broken, ex-exhibits. What struck me were the almost-garish marketing throughout the facility; posters, banners, floor decals, many flat-screen TVs. If the Center spent half as much on up-keep as they do on telling you how wonderful the place is supposed to be, we'd have an impressive resource. But it's anything but impressive these days. I just thank goodness we had a freebie pass instead of shelling out something like $60 to see the place (which doesn't include entry into their IMAX theater!).

On the plus side, the hotel was reasonable - and they had a great pool. The kids got to ride a subway for the first time and wander downtown TO for a bit. I think they've taken their first step towards loathing Toronto like all good non-Torontians. I'm so proud.