Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Would You Rather?

Yes, it's been far too long since my last post. Sometimes I forget that 5 or 6 people depend on me for several seconds of entertainment during the closing credits for X-Play. Really, I just haven't had any time or inclination for much more than a smart-assed Innertubes drive-by in the usual places. It's not that I'm giving up on this ridiculous blogging thing (hold your applause for now). Rather, it's been the constant, underachieving lethargy that's attached itself lamprey-like to my neocortex.

Not really sick, not really well - I've spent some quality time staring into space the last few weeks. For whatever reason, my reverie has wandered into imagined places where the deep questions of Life are pondered, flipped end over end, and then pondered again.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

The problem with answering this question is that I tend to be limited by the filter of pop culture. The superpowers I can imagine have already been imagined by far more imaginative folks than I through comic books, literary classics, and film. How can a Gentleman Suburbanite like myself develop a superpower that isn't just an amalgam (or rip-off) of what someone else has devised?

But I decided it isn't important that I be creative. It's important that I be practical - and not too greedy. If someone or something is handing out superpowers, I don't want to be unseemly about it.

Flying - really fast flying - is the answer for me.

If I could fly at supersonic speeds, I'm thinking I could go anywhere on Earth and in space. Whatever gifts protected my mortal frame from burning up doing the express run from my backyard to the top of the Eiffel Tower will assuredly protect me anywhere Out There, too. It's not really an aggressive superpower since flying large means 'running away from trouble'.

But I think it would be damn convenient and entertaining - and lucrative. I'm guessing there might be some odd jobs that NASA might pay me to do. The travel industry could use a man-on-the-spot service like mine. Got a Balloon Boy troubling you? I'll take the pictures for CNN and save the day all in short order.

Yup - flying would be alright by me. But first I need to do is convince my butt to leave this really comfy chair.


David said...

Maybe your super power should be the ability to make chairs fly. Really comfy flying chairs. With a drink holder. And a place for snacks. And maybe an LED screen to watch movies on.

Leisure Man!
Lie Back and Fly Guy!
Captain Honey Can You Grab Me a Beer!

Crazylegs said...

You've obviously thought about this, too. I can tell.

Hoping You Have Blue Skies Ahead,

Cpt. NaugaFlied aka
The BarcoLear aka
WTF Is That?

Kid Dork said...

I think about this sort of stuff way too much. I think that once you had a superpower, someone in the guhment would shoot you, or strap you to a gurney and start cutting. I thought, then, well, what if you were invulnerable? Then they'd take your family, or your XBox. And then I think I don't want a superpower....then I think of super speed. That I would like. But then I start to think about how always moving at Mach Billion would become my standard rate of speed, and I'd feel I was slacking if I wasn't at least breaking the sound barrier when I vacuumed.

Then I stop thinking, and go play Arkham Asylum.

I think there is a bad case of midlife crisis going around. I'm getting my shot, via the LCBO.

David said...

CL, your names are much, much better than mine.

KD, you are right. Exposing your super power, without an airtight secret identity would be bad. So, with that in mind, I would pick super-speed as my power. And then, only go a teeny little bit faster than everybody else. Think about it...you could be a receiver in the NFL. You don't have to be good, just a wee bit faster than the defenders. You could play NBA ball even if you sucked by simply being the fastest man on earth. But not speed of sound fast, simply "just faster than Usain Bolt" fast. People would buy it and you could cash in while still fighting crime at super speed. So the real question is, can you be a multi-sport athlete without attracting unwnanted, government attention? Track and football might work. Running two or three distances in track would work too, and there is a ton of money in track. You could just play tennis, but you would have to hold back some as you can't win every match 6-0,6-0,6-0 and not garner some negative attention.

Like Roy Batty said, "Questions."

Adam Kantor said...

My superpower would be really great hair. I would wake up, and my hair would just look amazing. You know, like Jimmy Johnson (the coach, not the Nascar driver) amazing.

Runner up would be invisibility. I won't go into why.

Crazylegs said...

Really great hair, eh? I had not thought of that. I haven't had a decent haircut since I was about 11 years old. My hair always makes me look like an outpatient, if you catch my drift. So, yes, Really Great Hair as a superpower would do loads for my self-esteem and probably let me fully-realize my sex-appeal.

As for Invisibility, it's my second choice, too. And I know why. It's for getting into movies for free, of course.

David said...

Hair. Really? Over flying chairs? Hair?


Sonny Drysdale said...

Back in the olden days of the Silver Age in 'Superman,' Clark Kent had far more superpowers than he does these days.

One of the most interesting - and seldom used - was 'Superventriloquism.'

Sign me up for that one. Can you imagine the fun you'd have at parties?

Crazylegs said...

Sonny - Superventriloquism would be a pretty kick-ass power, but to use it at parties is not in the cards for me. I'm an IT Guy, and we are bound by the following maxim:

An IT Guy is someone who'll never be comfortable attending a party, but will be put out for weeks on end if not invited.

It's the Code.

David said...

Teleportation. If I got flight powers they would be cattle class flight powers and therefore I want to be able to jaunt like a Tomorrow Person.

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