Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Lights for Baby Jesus - Part 2

The pause between Part 1 and Part 2 was solely for dramatic effect and in no way symptomatic of falling back into old too-lazy-to-post behaviours. Got that?

So! Wreath, ladder, painful injuries - that's where we left off. Before we continue our Christmas tale, here are some fun statistics:
  • 35 Canadians die each year from falling off a ladder
  • 1 Costa Rican dies each year from falling off a ladder
  • 62 Canadians die each year from falling out of bed
  • 1 Costa Rican dies each year from falling out of bed
  • Canadians often decorate their homes with Christmas lights hung from their roof
  • Costa Ricans often decorate their homes with flowers in pots and animal statues in the yard
Clearly, Christmas in Costa Rica is a safer, more fragrant experience. I also understand there's no snow there and the coffee grows on trees. We have a lot to learn from our friends in Central America.

I considered that a Costa Rican person would be a useful resource to help decorate my home for Christmas, given their emphasis on simplicity and safety (statistics don't lie!). But there aren't any such neighbours on our big happy cul-de-sac, and I'm pretty sure an ad on Kijiji would have taken too long to pay-off. I decided I had to tough it out myself using just my wits and my residential-grade extension ladder (aka The Widowmaker).

Unfortunately, there's not much to the story. I got my ladder out of the garage and extended it to the exact length where it will usually not flex like a bow against by body, the arrow. I was able to hang the wreath I almost made by myself. I hung a few smaller wreaths on either side of the garage door. And I finished off by replacing the outside lights with festive green bulbs (I would have used red bulbs, but I hear they attract the wrong sorts of new friends).

The only touch-and-go moments:
  • My neighbour shuffled up my driveway to have a chat just as I was leaning my ladder against the house, so I was obliged to use my valuable Christmas-decorating time to shoot the breeze with him.
  • Because I lost my valuable time chatting with my neighbour, it was darker and colder outside by the time my work got underway. I laugh at the Elements and I don't mind dermabrasion from cold ladder aluminum, however.
  • There was a moment of uncertainty when the brick clips I was using first took the weight of the wreath I almost made by myself. Fortunately, everything held (until the first windstorm, anyways).
True grit won the day, of course, and my house is now a Wonderland. The downside of this is that I think I did too good a job. No neighbour has come by to congratulate me, so I can only assume they are over-awed and cowered behind their curtains. Looking at the picture of my handiwork below, I think you'll understand:


David said...

Sure, it looks good. Real good. But are you prepared for the scores, I say scores, of looky-loos who are going to driving around and around and around in your cul-de-sac in order to view and photograph this now iconic wreath? Again, it looks really good. Huge too. Well done.

Crazylegs said...

Well, thanks, man. I'm okay with hordes of looky-loos driving onto the Court - anything to keep those road hockey kids off the road. They're all puck hogs with only one patented move at the net. Just really, really no fun to watch.

David said...

No kidding, you can't be boring if you want to bring in an audience. Just look at roller derby; they've proven that you can be terrible if you wear lacy things and paint your face.

Road hockey has to evolve with the times or get plowed under the first big snowfall.