Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Takin' Care Of Business

Apropos of the increasingly infrequent effluent that is posted here, let me share this fascinating question:

What Do Americans Canadians Have Against Awesome Toilets?

Think about that a bit. What do we have against awesome toilets? Then again, what qualifies as an 'awesome' toilet? Maybe a built-in book rack, a wine bar, cold cathode running lights, Internet access?

As we do with cellphones and robots, we must look to the Japanese for answers. From the article:

A typical Japanese loo, for instance, would do some or all of these things for the user:

* Cleanse “front and back” with three separate streams of water
* Dry “front and back” with air blowers
* Warm the seat
* Automatically put down the seat (a feature cleverly dubbed the “marriage saver”)
* Illuminate itself with a programmable nightlight
* Monitor medical conditions by preforming urine tests
* De-ionize the air to remove odors
* Play a soothing waterfall or birdsong soundtrack “to drown out embarrassing noises.”

Be honest, you and I would give our eye-teeth for any of those features. Instead, we just get cheap novelty gadgets to fill the void.

And if I know the Japanese mind (and I don't), I'm betting those features are customizable. Imagine the thrill of fully-choregraphed fountains, lights, and music - all serving to amuse, inspire, and sanitize. Couple this with some self-cleaning technology, and why would you ever leave the environs of your commode?

Then I Googled and discovered that I did not want to spend $5000 on a toilet. But, dammit, I have a dream.


Kid Dork said...

I remember reading something about how the Japanese are horrified at any sounds coming from their toilets, and go to great lengths to hide the fact. And I mean, great lengths.

Which reminds me: I once knew a model who used to fill the toilet bowl with toilet paper--up to the brim--to hide the sound of any unseemly 'plops'.

People are strange, especially around toilets.

Anonymous said...

I have a Swash toilet seat from Brondell, the company directed in this blog, and they are far from being cheap. Since I couldn't afford to purchase a $5,000.00 toilet with all the features of a bidet, heated seat, heated warmer, etc., I purchased the item from Brondell and have been extremely happy ever since.

David said...

"what qualifies as an 'awesome' toilet?"

Stainless steel everything. A sloped floor. A centre drain. A high-pressure hose.


somebody said...